Tuesday, May 17, 2011

half change...

I have heard that your choices are half chance, and so are everyone elses.  Does that make me feel better about my decision to move back to Michigan...not really.  So much of me wanted this, I think I forgot to look at the small part that still wanted to stay in LA.  I DON'T regret my decision, however, it is weighing on me more than I ever could have imagined.  A big part of it, is Lesly.  Her and I have spent so much time together...now to go from one extreme to the other is really hard to adapt to.  It didn't help that this past weekend was filled with friends and family...but when I woke up this morning, I walked outside to a cold wind and grey skies with no one there but myself.  I realize I have to give it time...but damn, change can be brutal...no matter how much you think you prepare for it.  I guess this new unexpected feeling is what life is all about...uncertainty and change...

...if that is true..I would like to change the way I feel right now.

...All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.